Rules On How To Write a Successful Poem For Poetry Soup

*1) "Tone it down" as much as I possibly can - There could be children presently attending my rant And I want them all to ask their folks To buy my Poetry Book later this year; So an enraged parent can organize Synchronized book burnings In honor of my accomplishments. That same week (bank holidays notwithstanding) I'll rerelease my book on vinyl record, And then someone will have to find Dick Clark Or we may never appreciate this joke For the cultural value of "American Bandstand" - If anyone can find Rod Serling, even better. I wouldn't willingly lie to someone Unless I was being paid a relative sum To relieve my conscience From the burdensome guilt Of insulting another stupid audience With the perfect choice of my own clever words... ...So I might as well be as honest with you As I would with any of my ex-wives or their children: I've always believed the "Twilight Zone" Had far more cultural value... ...Though, it is true: There was nothing more bizarre on television Than "American Bandstand" - Until "Soul Train" came along... ...If it's also true that "Society deserves its criminals" Then we kinda deserved MTV for all of our troubles... ...How insatiable can peoples thirst For consumerism possibly be!? That they'd allow commercialism To successfully convince them To sit around their televisions Watching others dance to a lip syncing band!? Blinded by the sunshine of reification; Through the sludgy sleet, rain or snow; Despite personal hate, peace, love or war - In the name of any false God - Dance on you silly fools - Do the Danse Macabre... *2) Try hard not to forget rule number one - Like I've already forgotten the second rule.