Reincarnation

This happens to be one of those times when you're unable to think of something to do because your mind is full. Not enough room to squeeze in an activity. The thought process is something that can do many things, from make you happy, sad, anxious, smile, frown etc. 70% of the time I'd like to just shut down my thought process. It can tend to play games with your brain. So many insecurities. Not appearance wise, but ability wise. I never really sat and tossed myself into a philosophical pool of madness untill around 3 years ago. I can say with certainty, that I'm afraid. I don't want to be though. When you race, then crash over and over again, you always feel insanely scared to get back in your car. You say to yourself "the crash wouldn't have been so bad if I would've just strapped a few mattresses on the car." Truth is, you didn't know you'd crash and didn't know how bad it would feel to hit the wall. It happed so much you got used it. You're not supposed to get used to something like that. I speak in metaphors alot. It makes things easier to explain. For so long I cut off the last bit of care I had, because I didn't wanna hit that wall again. The switch I've covered up for so long, has been turned back on and the room that is my heart is dusty and bright. The dust is being cleaned away. I kinda forgot I had that switch. I, am petrified. But with no regrets, I'm back in the car and praying.