Realization

I question everything he tells me from the moment it slips out of his mouth, if it sounds honest or forced. My life is simple and that’s not why I question it. I am okay with having a little but not or type. We have a little patience and too little time together. Thought we practically spend almost every second together we could never be more apart. As I think about it more and more it seems to hurt me less, how he always says he wants to leave when we argue and all that comes to mind is that I don’t want to be married again. Not because of how I feel about him but how much time I put into this relationship, it cuts me to my core to have that realization. When we were dating I could never let him leave me because how intimate we had become. Love was not the equation, love was never the answer, and love was the excuse. I am not sure if he loves me or just seems to hang around because he feels guilty, guilty for stringing me along for such time. Maybe both but I no longer see the man he was, I see depression and hate pointed toward me. I hate divorce, not because it destroys families but because you stand before you friends and family and you pledge to love someone who in turn makes you look foolish once the papers are filed. I am not unhappy as of now, and that’s not why I am writing this, it’s nothing more than I have come to terms with my stupidity.