Reality

Laying in bed one night its almost midnight and I get this visit and it had hit me so hard, so here I am bawling my eyes out everything is true that reality is showing me and telling me!! As I look back i realize i am the reason for everything that has happened not just in my past but here recently, its all beginning to settle in my head and I don't know what to do or how to deal with it?? I realize I'm alone everyone is in bed so I just lay there wondering what to do everyone I have messaged isn't answering so I sit up and I hesitated for about twenty minutes only thing I could think of was to go get high but instead I played back down turned Pandora on listened to music and cried softly and silently so no one could hear me!! Then my phone goes off its my god mother she saved me from going out and getting so high or I may have died, but when reality hits you that hard just know your not alone..