No Remorse

I remember the party, I went to last fall. I never planned, to live through it all. I did not want, to be alive. And this was not, suicide. I would blame it on alcohol, blame it all on beer. But my plan did not happen that way, just as I had feared. I had planned to drink a lot that night, and then “accidentally” die. It did not happen that way, and I can’t explain why. After the party, I went to my car. I had done my best, to drink the whole bar. I laid my head on the steering wheel, and began to cry. I wasn’t sure, it was my time to die. You see, I was in such a daze. I didn’t even notice, the two past-out stowaways. With no regret, I put the key in. Then started the car, let the party begin. I backed out of the lot, with a quickening pace. I was close to death, so close I could taste. I put the car in gear, stopped and thought some more. Why was I here? What was I doing this for? I decided to put the thoughts, out of my mind. I was thinking too much, and falling behind. I gripped the wheel tightly, and stepped on the pedal. As the car gained speed, I turned on some heavy metal. I noticed a little girl, who was right in my way. What was she doing? Why was she out so late? I tried to turn, but then lost control. All that alcohol, began to take its toll. The car flipped, and went spiraling down. I lost all consciousness, when we hit the ground. When I came to, I felt no pain. Had the whole thing, all been in vain? Or maybe I was gone, I had already died. And then I looked back, where my passengers lied. From the moment I saw them, I knew they were dead. I could tell by the blood, that ran down their heads. I thought to myself, Why? Why? Why? They weren’t supposed to be here, they weren’t meant to die. I couldn’t kill myself, I had decided. I had tried my best, and still been denied it. I got out of the car, I was all alone. With no remorse, I walked towards home.