No One Else To Blame

When I was young, about four or five, I decided to jump off the real high dive. My mom said I’d get hurt, she tried to say no, of course I took the plunge, and my face took the blow. Blood ran from my face as she called out my name. I told her it hurt, but I had no one else to blame. When I was a little older, about seven or eight, I was at the dinner table refusing to clear my plate. My mom said to eat my food, I just pushed my plate away. She told me to go to my room, that is where I had to stay. I got mad and threw a fit, she wasn’t up for my games. When I got grounded, I had no one else to blame. Add on a few more years, I just turned sixteen. I thought the world was mine. I acted like a queen. My mom told me to shape up. I didn’t listen of course. She told me don’t test her, if I didn’t want her rules enforced. I laughed it off, figuring it was false claims, But when I didn’t get a car, I had no one else to blame. When I got to college, I was newly eighteen. It was a whole new world, so many things to do and be seen. My mom told me to be safe, reminded me to make good decisions. I soon got in too deep. College wasn’t what I envisioned. She told me to stay focused I told her to stop being lame. When I failed my first class, I had no one else to blame. Senior year was almost over and I was finally twenty-one. Something was telling me the fun had only begun. My mom told me to think, so I dabbled in drugs. My only concern became how many beers I could chug. She said she was concerned, that I wasn’t the same. When I lost my way, I had no one else to blame. At twenty two, I fell in with the wrong crowd. We did what we wanted, we were obnoxious and loud. My mom said she loved me. I just pushed her away. She fought hard to reach out, I fought harder to stray. One night something happened. I was overcome with shame. He forced himself in me, but I had no one else to blame. Looking back on my life, on all the choices I had made, as his assault continued, my poor choices replayed. The words my mom had said were ringing in my ears. I closed my eyes tight and fought back the tears. When it was all over, responsibility I had to claim. After everything I had done, who else could I blame?