My Dear, Sweet, Lost Child Daughter of My Wasted Youth a Confession Part 3

I am oh so sorry Gail, for my immature, inconsiderate, selfish life style and for all that being these things has caused you to suffer through, you who did not deserve to have any of this be a part of your life’s experience. I am very proud of you my Dear, for no one but you, brought you through to where you now are, – that being far beyond us, in so many ways – leaving us, who did little or nothing to help you get to where you are, to stand back and admire your fortitude in the face of adversity. What is truly amazing my Dear, is the fact that you accomplished all that you have, in spite of the heavy weight of all that baggage – all those insecurities, doubts and fears dragging you down – you carried over stumbling blocks ( sometimes mountains ) that your mother and me, laid on your path, to the here and now. Anyway Gail, after all is said and done, history is the past and the past has passed, it once was a reality, left its mark, scares that influence ( the degree, is a matter of wise choices ) and certainly becomes a parts of the present and of the future, no one is able to change that, whether it is hereditary, genetic, nature, nurturing or psychological, it is all a part of the whole. How we perceive the past, what we believe it to be, how we live it, how much we let it have control or influence, will be determined by our desire, our strengths and weaknesses, our understanding. I do, truly understand Gail, your need for answers, I was there once, got the answer - the time I took you to Chicago – from your grandma. I too, lived with doubts and uncertainties, for over thirty years, then that weekend in Chicago, the answer came, confirming my years and years of a belief, - a subconscious knowledge that, unfortunately, was hidden behind clouds of doubts, shrouded in uncertainty, that the confirmation of opened the door, gave me freedom, released me from being enfolded by the wings of uncertainty, the cage of doubt about my ability to perceive reality for what it truly was / is, and I believe, will always be. I hope Gail, ?, that you may also find that same freedom. Freedom that comes, with confidence gained, from the knowledge that you truly did know the essence of the reality you were not quite so sure of as this story has unfolded before your beautiful, brown, troubled eyes. Anyway my Love, your life is the sum total of you, of that, there is nothing that we can do !, so live life to the fullest and best that you can, that to me, seems exactly what you are doing Gail, so please leave behind, let go, set aside all the baggage, keep flying towards the very best of you and life. Love dad . B. J. “A ” 2 November 22nd 2003