''To Err Is Human: To Forgive, Divine''--Alexander Pope

African-American and abusive, my late step-dad was a reverse racist: an army sergeant; a Vietnam vet; and, a backhand, face-hitting sadist. I once bemoaned that I was a white child (as if it were my fault!?) and that he was black and resentful of me. So, once in reckless revolt against his ongoing abuse, I rebelled under my breath and uttered the "n" word at him (so he beat me nearly to death). Bruised, I never uttered that word again; then mom and he divorced as I grew older (which freed us at last!): now unrivaled (with no remorse), I suddenly was the man of the house; and life for us seemed less stormy. For the first time in years we lived without abuse; and, at last, we were a family. Then I got religion and met God; and gave myself to Christ. It was the best thing I ever did! Born again, I thus was sufficed. So the scars of my step-dad's abuse which for years I had repressed began to heal and disappear; and so I became less and less oppressed. Now old, my erstwhile step-dad developed advanced swelling of the lung; I had not forgiven him yet (back when I was still angry and young). Not yet able to forgive him for the abuse that made our lives so unbearably grim, I nevertheless still realized that the weight of still having hatred for him was far worse than my pain. I recognized that in life we all transgress and come short of God's glory: so, moved by His grace and forgiveness, I made the right choice to forgive him; for me a daily, ongoing process, I at last began to let go of the anger and truly begin to move past the mess that was my step-dad's legacy to me. Also, I began to forgive God; for He was not to blame for him (whose own father, too, did not spare the rod). Still, tho' I had chosen to forgive (him) and let go, he was unmoved and unchanged as ever: but I, however, realized that what truly mattered was that forgiveness set me free forever! When at last he died, I had already completely let go (so that he was forgiven). Now I can only ask of God whether my step-dad was changed from his glimpse of heaven?