Loves Confusion

Broken hearted and unsure, all the hurt has me feeling insecure. Wondering why I keep getting ms wrong when all I want is mrs.right for me, the older I get it seem like it's no longer a possibility. I keep loving hard and getting played even harder! Secrets and lies linger in my thoughts, eating at me and pushing me away. Mistakes turned into patterns and now I might not stay. Nothing hurts more than a broken heart, a hurt heart has me drifting apart. She's had all of me since day one and I've been sharing her with another one. I try to forgive and move on but it's hard when the one u love has no answers to why they did u wrong. I hear I'm sorry and it was a mistake but what I feel is that it wasn't real and our relationship was fake! Now I'm torn between my heart and mind, one wants to forgive and try while the other tells me it's all bullshit and lies! I told her my past and my fears and her actions showed me she never really cared, now she cries and doesn't sleep but neither do i because the thoughts haunt and creep. Walk away or stay? Does forgiving make me weak or strong? There are no rules in love for when it all starts to go wrong. I'm tryin to put me first but I don't see happiness with out her by my side...