Loss of the Love Object

It is gone forever now, a swirling mote of dust, above the hills and fields, memorial fleck of dying love, vanishing from tear swept sight, away from the world, oh how can life continue now, how can it go on? In cruel desolation, such cold, numb emptiness where scalpel sharp pain wields a wafer thin blade daily drawn, lacerating nervous tissue and nuances of emotion, slow, meticulous, precise, a living thing this pain. Silvery and honed to savour each slash and each nick with the sick sadist glee of a diligent torturer; tears cannot be cried anymore, dried out now, Winter cold, desert arid and Easter Egg hollow, a screaming skull inverted. Bleeding dry, bleeding dry, a pale anaemic husk; eyes look but do not register the living world, fingers touch but do not feel the pulse of regrowth, ears listen but do not hear the words to set things right. One of the almost dead who envies the truly dead, the truly dead for their interment to inanimate peace, for where will my love find the object to lavish itself upon, who will hold me now as one who did before? No courage at all, only the curse of the craven to endure, less than surreal, no longer human, nothing outwardly tangible save a mass of screaming, electrifying pain howling down the empty corridors running beneath the flesh. The hardest of hard lessons are learned and learned so well, taught as only a past master of deranged ardour can teach; the loss of sanctity when expelled from the mother womb is the outset of the clue to life's meaning. From this point forth, the love object is a thing to be lost, family, friends, possessions, innocence, integrity...mind, eventually life itself, for all is ultimately stripped away, with each love object finite and thus both fabulous and terrifying to behold. If loss be the meaning of life, vice versa, the meaning of life be loss, instilling life with it's value and fragility; your trauma spills indistinction, uncertainty - the loss of the love object, wreaking ball on my defences - and likewise my refuge from pain...