Killing Time

Friday rolls around I am too excited My pennies are saved My outfit’s sorted Bath and make up, done Ready for a big night out One problem It’s the afternoon Tick tock, Tick tock Hurry the fek up Mr. Clock You really, truly hate me 'Cause of you I’m late for work Early for fun You bore me to hell with your incessant tick tocking If you had a real face I would… I’ll have a drink Chill Kill some time Just the one Lightweight I sip Whisky And twiddle my thumbs Bored on the highest level Eureka! I’ll check the Net Laptop open Booting up Logging on 123 ABC Bingo, I’m in Surprise I have three emails Junk! Unless I needed to grow my ***** ten more inches Date a married man Or join Mob Wars and get one million fake dollars for online poker Now there’s a bit of competition for you NOT Facebook is where it’s at on a Friday afternoon Isn’t it? Let me see if there are any interesting status updates Nope Unless I care that Trudy is having a nice cup of tea after getting all her ironing done Wow, Susan planted apple trees on her farm, and took a snapshot (WTF?) David is with Mark, Kate and Lesley somewhere near Southend I’m glad I’m thousands of miles away from the weirdoes Oh, wait a second I have an invite! And it’s something to do with food My profile says I’m a chef I post tons of pictures of food Finally something worth opening Wrong! Amy has invited me to join Chef World Now I can work in a virtual kitchen cooking virtual food after spending all day in a real kitchen cooking real food Idiotic waste of time I click the link and enter a bright red kitchen Timers scattered Pots and pan readied Bacon eggs, beans and fries to cook All need coordinating Timing is crucial And she’s off Fries on 123456 Bacon, wait for it Wait for it On 123 Toast down 12345 Beans on 123 Toast pops Burnt Crap! Fries burnt Eggs burnt Crap I try again And again After 4 hours I’m a virtual pro The phone rings ‘Kim, I’ll be there in ten, be ready.' 'I'll try.' You've had all day, what you doing?’ 'Murdering time.'