Get Your Premium Membership

Jimmy

It was a full moon jimmy was ready to go trick or treating first time by myself jimmy was anxious and scared Jimmy mind was playing tricks on him all week long jimmy watched scary movies jimmy first house was ms jones better know as cat lady her house was very old people say a house of horrors jimmy thought he saw a bat and a rat jimmy walked slowly and knocked on the door the porch was creepy and smelled funny jimmy nerous were on edge the door oped slowly a dim light and a stock pot boiling was what he saw jimmy saw trick or treat ms jones laughed real hard ms jones gave jimmy a big red apple jimmy said thank you and ms jones said dont be a stranger and scream if you need anything

Copyright © | Year Posted 2012




Post Comments

Poetrysoup is an environment of encouragement and growth so only provide specific positive comments that indicate what you appreciate about the poem.

Please Login to post a comment

Date: 9/3/2012 10:26:00 AM
I think the storyline and the message here, is awesome Bradley. keep writing. enjoyed.
Login to Reply
Cox Avatar
Bradley Cox
Date: 9/4/2012 5:07:00 AM
thank you harry
Date: 9/2/2012 10:20:00 AM
Bradley, you are displaying improvement in your writing. I see you are no longer using apostrophes with pluralized nouns. You still need improvement in other areas, but you will get there.
Login to Reply
Cox Avatar
Bradley Cox
Date: 9/2/2012 1:42:00 PM
Thank You robert i will keep trying hard
Date: 9/2/2012 5:00:00 AM
You might note that the repetition of the name Jimmy, most writers only use a name once or twice in a whole compositon, it would , I believe, it make your poem flow nicely if you take a look, you can see "he "can be replace or even changed in the sentence to "him" at times.. Just a thought.
Login to Reply
Cox Avatar
Bradley Cox
Date: 9/2/2012 5:03:00 AM
thank you for reading and sharing with me it helps me in love of poetry
Date: 9/2/2012 4:58:00 AM
hahaha. nice write. I enjoyed it! :) ~Cindy~
Login to Reply
Cox Avatar
Bradley Cox
Date: 9/2/2012 5:04:00 AM
thank you for reading and sharing with me i was just getting ready for all the holidays they come so fast now i am old lol

Book: Shattered Sighs