I Can Not

I can not ! But so desperately want to stop crying a billion tears, trying so hard to drown out some of the past two years. My soul, drenched, wants to weep no more for the love, I have kept in store for this woman – beautiful – who wants not what I have given, to give what I have got to give and allow to live to the fullest or provide a place for my head to rest. I am unable to stop the constant thoughts of you from seeping into the turmoil of my busy days. I am unable to stop wondering what it is I should do – a conclusion that might help change the ways in which my thoughts, my heart can deal with all that fills my hours with what I feel, what I would love to have – forever with you. B. J. “A” 2 September 15th 2008