How Do I Fill.

how do I fill as look into the ski's at my fallen peers, as a child I longed for a way out as the elders lie dead in the streets, as blood from family ran under my feet, and watched as they washed it away with pour of there beer. how do I fill, at 13 I watched more people die then an R rated movie friends who I once laughed with now 6ft under or in a 6by6cell, this was all I knew growing up this was my hell, gang bangers, drug dealers, users, losers this is what was for me. teen years a blur coated with alcohol and smoke, seeing life end in so many ways sadated my emotions, no hope no dreams and as for the man up stairs nothing but questions, a child of the street willing to do any thing but step up and chock. pushed to the very edge before I walked away, stranger in a strange land before it would be to late, I suppress the abused child, hid the villain deep down and locked the gate, if myself can see who I was today...what would I say. how do I fill,the homies from the hood wouldn't notice me, I no longer look like them, talk like them even walk like them, there no more reason to hate no reason for me to be condemned, not from a hood hanging with the boys but a father with a family, brown pride not seen but is still rich in my blood no matter what they say, what do they see...I'm not who I use to be, I'm alive,I live, my thoughts are clear and care free, how do I fill...looking at them I now know there is another way. from above how do they see me, do the Aztec worriers hang there head in shame, am I no longer part of the tribe because I don't play the game, how do I fill...years later...proud to be.