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haiku 33

Debbie Guzzi Avatar Debbie Guzzi - LIFETIME Premium Member Debbie Guzzi - Premium MemberPremium Member Send Soup Mail Go to Poets Blog Block poet from commenting on your poetry

Below is the poem entitled haiku 33 which was written by poet Debbie Guzzi. Please feel free to comment on this poem. However, please remember, PoetrySoup is a place of encouragement and growth.

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haiku 33

a dusting of sugar
on my bowl of porridge --
morning snow

* let me know all my haiku students
what do you think of this? Is it haiku?
what did I do here that I have not taught you
how to do yet? What is the ahHA?
Why is it an ahHA?Where is the ahHA?

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  1. Date: 3/18/2013 12:45:00 AM
    I absolutely love writing and reading haiku. This particular one can go in many different ways. I see the sugar as a metaphor, how it makes your porridge just a little sweeter, the snow makes your morning just a bit better as well. And the contrast between cold snow and a warm breakfast is a neat literary tool to really put the reader in the situation of the haiku. This makes me think you feel something very special and endearing towards snowflakes.

  1. Date: 2/12/2013 4:30:00 PM
    I'm still learning, Deb!! I read Caleb's comment. Thank you, always! Love, Annalise

  1. Date: 2/12/2013 11:51:00 AM
    This is brilliant.......and a lovely connection.The sugar and the snow...can see them both, lovely! I am still learning from you.....and did some revision on my own entry. And...a soupmail for you!

  1. Date: 2/12/2013 6:53:00 AM
    After reading, my thoughts were similar to calebs--going to revisit mine

  1. Date: 2/10/2013 11:15:00 PM
    I likes this one: the contrast of hot porridge with cold snow outside!

  1. Date: 2/9/2013 4:30:00 PM
    Since I am not sure but think that porridge is oatmeal that would represent old dirty snow the dusting of sugar would be maybe powdered sugar which would be fresh white snow.You are comparing your morning cereal or food to the new snow outside?.I did not really get an ahHa though.I hope that you continue to have power.I know that it must be hard to be without power and glad that you are on the grid.I hope that you get to get out soon provided that you want to get out.Thanks for stopping by..Sara

  1. Date: 2/9/2013 8:13:00 AM
    hi Debbie , not an expert, but i like what i see..

  1. Date: 2/9/2013 3:49:00 AM
    the leap as well as the juxtaposition to lead on the reader's mind is amazing,,, loved it Debbie

  1. Date: 2/8/2013 1:59:00 PM
    Ok, so its not 5-7-5, which is ok as long as you have short, long, short...17 syllables or less...right? Unless one speaks Japanese...then I suppose the rules are not so much rules as they are guidelines. And the cutting line is does not continue the second line, but cuts it. Also you eat porridge for breakfast...hence the morning...and snow is the sugar... giving another snow would dust the morning ground (porridge).

    Guzzi Avatar Debbie Guzzi
    Date: 2/8/2013 4:54:00 PM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    great job Caleb getting the relationship between the falling sugar and the falling snow & yes I was eating oatmeal watching the snow fall SO though there is a simile in the readers MIND..not in my words but in the leap..between the two images
  1. Date: 2/8/2013 12:11:00 PM
    oohh - I like this one Debbie!

  1. Date: 2/8/2013 8:58:00 AM
    I am finding here the same what Eileen has commented below.Good one.

    Guzzi Avatar Debbie Guzzi
    Date: 2/8/2013 9:18:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    ah but you know even more and are not saying it
  1. Date: 2/8/2013 6:33:00 AM
    I think it's wonderful, Debbie! The Aha moment comes in the last line where one understands that this is an analogy. The porridge symbolizes the brown earth and the sugar the snow. Very nice way to lead the mind! I really really liked it! I know that the first line is to be 5 syllables the middle 7 and the last haven't kept strictly to that...are you alluding to that in your question? I'm enthralled!

    Manassian Avatar Eileen Manassian
    Date: 2/8/2013 6:48:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    Debbie...thanks for the explanation! Learned something new! I love learning! You are a good teacher! My Haikus don't quite have that cutting edge between line 2 and 3....Will see if I can incorporate that. It's a new one for me! Hugs! BTW...I do love the actual dusting of sugar on my REAL PORRIDGE so I'm a gonner on this one! ;)