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Growing Old Disgracefully

Getting old is no fun believe me - I thought it would just be a breeze But now I have to wear 'tena ladies' cos I leak when I cough, laugh or sneeze My husband now uses Viagra - I steal one when he doesn't see Slip one in my first morning cuppa, stops my biscuits going soft in my tea No longer have boobies like 'Jordan' they've drooped, sagged and gone south It doesn't stop me from smiling, gleaming dentures are fixed in my mouth I need glasses to find my glasses - they were sitting on top of my head I've forgotten to turn on my hearing aid so I can't hear a darn word that you've said I think someone said my memory is fading , That is a load of old tosh No I haven't got a beer belly, My trousers shrank in the wash 19th May 2014 Written by Jan Allison & Darren Watson ~ submitted to ‘ Birthday and Aging Contest’ ~ Sponsored By Carolyn Devonshire’

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Genevieve Mika-Stevens

Date: 8/26/2015 10:00:00 AM

OOps - think I see my mother here - and I'm next in line. Very humorous and allowed me to start the day with a laugh....

Robert Nehls

Date: 7/13/2014 1:44:00 PM

This is so funny you two. So well written and sadly so true. Well we mays as well laugh at it because it certainly isn't going away. Very well crafted and thanks for the sweet reminder.... Robert.

Jadazzle United
Date: 7/13/2014 3:05:00 PM

Thanks for the lovely comment Robert:-) Hugs Jan xxx

David Brown

Date: 7/10/2014 5:39:00 PM

Very, very funny piece. The last line brought back something I heard once on a golf course, one fellow told another he didn't have a weight problem, he had a 'furniture problem'. His 'chest was in his drawers'. Thanks for sharing! David

Jadazzle United
Date: 7/10/2014 5:46:00 PM

LOL David thanks for dropping by. Hugs Jan xxx

Poet Destroyer A

Date: 6/9/2014 4:22:00 PM

I can do this forever... LOL.. :) Linda

Jadazzle United
Date: 6/9/2014 5:43:00 PM

me too lol I need to smile at the moment :-( Jan xx

Poet Destroyer A

Date: 6/8/2014 2:15:00 PM

:) PD

Jadazzle United
Date: 6/9/2014 3:18:00 PM

:-) Thanks Linda xx Jan xx

Poet Destroyer A

Date: 5/31/2014 8:48:00 AM

THE WELCOME MAT----- That is what I am talking about, a few poets hate what we do, But, Jan, it keeps the new poets interested. My time is limit on here these days, and having to come back and read the comments on my comments, kind of kills the joy I had before. Sometimes, a few comments, on my comment are worth the trip, (LIKE THIS ONE) some take my time away from what I really want to do here on the soup. I will leave it at that. Thank you Jan, once again for being you...

Jadazzle United
Date: 5/31/2014 6:12:00 PM

:-) to coin a phrase I heard when I was in the US - 'Your Welcome' :-) Jan xx

Poet Destroyer A

Date: 5/31/2014 8:07:00 AM

Anytime Jadazzle, I enjoy supporting all here at the soup... Linda

Jadazzle United
Date: 5/31/2014 8:30:00 AM

You always make comments on poems Linda - it was such a joy when i was a new member to be welcomed by you and Anne lise and Skat - we need more people like you on here! Hugs Jan xx

Poet Destroyer A

Date: 5/29/2014 6:11:00 PM

JADAZZLE,, Double Congrats on Carolyn’s birthday contest. Many smiles, on its future feature in her birthday booklet. XOX~ Linda

Jadazzle United
Date: 5/30/2014 1:10:00 AM

Thanks as ever for you support Linda. hugs Jan xxx

Deborah Shiells

Date: 5/29/2014 7:28:00 AM

Hi Jan and Darren, This was absolutely hysterical!!!! HAHAHA... Loved it!! Wonderful read!! Congrats on your win my friends and thank you for sharing this with us. Love and Peace, Deborah

Jadazzle United
Date: 5/29/2014 10:19:00 AM

We do have so much fun Deborah and I think this is reflected in our work together. Hugs as ever my friend. Jan xxx

Paul Callus

Date: 5/27/2014 10:00:00 AM

This is so good!!! Really enjoyed it! Hope you do remember you wrote this!! Congrats on a lovely win:) // paul

Jadazzle United
Date: 5/27/2014 12:49:00 PM

We have SUCH fun when we write Paul and I hope this is reflected in our poems - i love this will make it a favourite in case I forget we wrote it. Hugs as ever Jan xxx

Dr.Ram Mehta

Date: 5/27/2014 5:38:00 AM

Congratulations on your fine win, jadazzle

Jadazzle United
Date: 5/27/2014 12:48:00 PM

Thanks dr Mehta for your lovely comment. Hugs Jan xxx

Skat A

Date: 5/26/2014 8:41:00 PM

Jadazzle, Congratulations, in Carolyn's "Birthday and Aging Humor" contest. Love ~SKAT~

Jadazzle United
Date: 5/27/2014 12:48:00 PM

Thanks for dropping by Skat - I loved your poem with Darren. Hugs Jan xxx

Joyce Johnson

Date: 5/26/2014 7:11:00 PM

Fine collaboration. Congratulations on your win. Love, Joyce

Jadazzle United
Date: 5/27/2014 12:47:00 PM

Thanks for dropping by Joyce. Hugs Jan xx

Carolyn Devonshire

Date: 5/26/2014 4:37:00 PM

Dear Jan and Darren, You did a fine job on this poem. Congratulations on your win and thanks for participating in a contest to wish some special ladies happy birthday. Love, Carolyn

Jan Allison
Date: 5/26/2014 5:15:00 PM

Carolyn we had SUCH fun creating this poem for your contest - it's our first placement since forming jadazzle united so it means a great deal to us both. Hugs Jan xxxxx

Andrea Dietrich

Date: 5/20/2014 3:45:00 PM

hahaha. I have not seen too many of these yet, but this one is hands down the best I have seen yet!!

Jadazzle United
Date: 5/20/2014 4:31:00 PM

Thanks for the lovely comments Andrea - We have so much fun when we collaborate and yet again another poem that flowed so effortlessly between us. I can't believe the incredible relationship Darren and I have since we began collaborating I am the luckiest lady in the world :-) Hugs Jan xx

Nette Onclaud

Date: 5/20/2014 12:08:00 PM

this is a rib-tickler finely done with tinges of memory lapses.. you both rock my socks!.. huggs

Jadazzle United
Date: 5/20/2014 4:28:00 PM

Oh Nette thats a lovely comment thank you so much. We have such fun creating poems together. i am so pleased you enjoy reading them, Hugs Jan xxx

Farhana Akter

Date: 5/19/2014 11:44:00 PM

Nice

Jadazzle United
Date: 5/20/2014 10:36:00 AM

Thanks for dropping by Farhana. hugs Jan xxx

Saba Khan

Date: 5/19/2014 10:57:00 PM

I loveeeeee this poem!!! Specially "i need glasses 2 find my glasses" hahaha..i wear them as well but i'm not old ;-) this is possibly one of my favourite poems...GOD BLESS YOU !! Lots of WISHES for u :-)

Jadazzle United
Date: 5/20/2014 10:37:00 AM

Thanks for the lovely comments Saba. hugs Jan xxx