Flashback Icy Cold

3am i am up and out a few days after an ice storm a few days after my Mother's car was repossessed walking the three hours to work near the woods i hear the rustling i am being watched a dead deer startles me light darkness darkness light crickets stranger sounds i regret every thought before the important ones now my legs are heavy i am now wishing that i called a taxi my money is limited, and i think of caroline i think about my broken heart i think about a brand new start i am sweating frigidity beams that breeze at my back stings i thought i was too good for this happening i thought i was way above this type of struggle now i am the one not laughing my bills have been on time ever since a little after 6am i am dragging my behind i find the strength deep within myself to prepare mentally i got eight long and physical hours to do i lock up my pain like a strategic version of constipation nobody knows the internal clown crying tears of woe thoughts of loss thoughts of debt thoughts of my useless need to feel thoughts of the mistakes and the bad resulting decisions thoughts of a genius type of time machine i sweat i work i make somebody else rich i clock out i think about the walk to work i decide....without hesitation....to call a taxi i Learn.... i Grow....