Fall Apart

I desperately want to fall apart Yet something keeps me going And the role of a martyring heart Is not something I wanted knowing. To me you opened up infinity of topics, The bowl of pleasure you filled up. I didn't want to but turned out to be myopic And fail to explain what's in my cup. Pure sensations of both a soar and a loss, I fell into this long and dear dream. The settlement is due when I wake up, my boss Is yet again my heart, that's what I mean. Self identity, anxiety, fairy tales, Regret, creativity, content, euphoria of being, You are undoubtedly the best of males! Self worth and peace within for the time being. Accepting me for what I am is priceless Yet why without you it's oh so hard? I know the power of my mind is limitless Yet oftentimes I feel as if a retard. I want to walk the street of life With loving self, content and passion. So why the dark? The damp? And knife Of pain is choking me? My skin is ashen. The pain abates and then intensifies again, It'd be so nice to cry. No tears. Thievery. Now tell me how do I go on? "Do not depend!" It'd be too easy. But there comes another reverie... Your face, your hands, your voice and skin, They glow in my imagination. We can't be a couple. We're too akin. My brain and soul got inflammation. I put back on full suit of armor. I stand, I faint, try to fight the nausea Perhaps it does not at all exist, this harbor... Sweet pain. And I am left with my insomnia. My dear torturer, if you are toxic, I would for sure intoxicate myself again. I'm oh so craving your sweet toxin. It blurs and stirs my body up with pain. This crazy lassitude I crave and cannot bear, It's agonizing and therefore a bliss. Evolution's problems land on my shoulders with despair I search for answers - yet another miss. I smear my life again with painful failures, I ache but strive inside for burning ingle. My needs and pain are elaborately tailored. Yes I am absolutely mad for emotional tingle.