Drifting Into Dreamland

Realizing the fact that everything that is in my life now won't be forever can utterly disturb me in ways that can spin me around in so many directions when in reality I am laying still in my bed waiting to drift off into dreamland. Feeling my breathing harder and deeper in my chest and exhaling all the frustration, confusion, and distress out through the pores of my skin embracing myself while letting tears escape from my eyes to my pillowcase. The fact that all I have is now and that there are no promises except that what I will end up having forever is myself in the end keeps the wheels in my head turning and twisting and my heart beating stronger and stronger as if it will break its way through. All I ask is why and still no answer. So at times I take a moment to look at where I stand as of now. I have learned so many lessons and experienced so many experiences that have helped me grow into the person I am today. Not always easy, not always positively but always changing, and the fact that I have more ahead amazes me. I've realized I have to expect the unexpected and choose how I can deal with what I am faced with. I sometimes have to force myself to take a slight break from reality and remind myself who I am and the choices I make because they will impact me and my life forever. So I have to be real sure of who I am and the person I want to become. Its not easy like I said. A little reminder always helps, because I can get quite confused and lost at times. Reality plays the best tricks on me, and I can be easily fooled at times by the roles some people play. It is a constant battle of love and hate with having this blind road ahead of me. Sometimes leading me downhill so far leaving me so helpless, empty and numb that when I look up it seems almost impossible to keep moving on. Surprisingly still having that bit of hope helping me to keep going. It is not bad to take a break every once in a while though. I've lost so much and in place I have also gained so much in my life, arousing me with the new happenings that are handed to me. Sometimes drastic, sometimes barely anything at all. What gives me the slightest hope is the fact that I have found one thing that makes sense out of my life. It is the coincidental pieces that fit together when they happen to me. Something happens confusing me then in time another and in hindsight tying it all together and making perfect sense out of it all. Not all of my puzzles have been figured out but having such small pieces fitting together gives me the littlest bit of hope helping me to keep breathing and keep moving forward. Maybe, hopefully I will someday understand it all and put it all together. Yet out of it all I know I must keep on in this crazy yet wonderful world... with the future ahead...the past behind...and the present in front of me. Choosing wisely and reminding myself constantly, and in time letting my dreams take over me once again.