Don'T Read Me

Past 3 a.m. in the morning, I stare at this letter in front of me. Inviting and seducing me So I just want to read it. But my heart dictates me not. How cruel she was. Left me when I was young, Did she exactly do what's right? Or make things even worse? But my heart dictates me not. I remember how weak I was. Without her arms around me I felt I was terribly helpless inside. She wanted to say sorry. But my heart dictates me not. She came 2 weeks ago, I was emotionally mixed. Don’t know exactly what to say. I just miss her a lot. But my heart dictates me not. From fancy clothes of New York, To lavish perfumes of Germany, She almost gave everything. All I want is to be with her. But my heart dictates me not. I threw everything on her face. Telling I hate her that much. Wish she did not come back. I just feel sorry for myself. But my heart dictates me not. Till I see her tears flowing, She gave a letter and let me read it. So then I stare at it till it’s 4 a.m. It tells me to read it now. But my heart dictates me not. But I remember how good she was. So I open the letter and read it aloud. Then she said sorry with her lipstick. Feeling sad and blame myself truly But my heart dictates me not. I read the last words and it makes me cry. She said she loves me but is it just a try? So she said “Please come to my room baby”. Just funny and sweet to think… But my heart dictates me not. I walk in to her room to say “I’m sorry Mom”. To be surprised when I see her, A poison at her side… YES... She killed herself. But my heart dictates me not.