Do Better At My Expense

sometimes i do not not know what's going on with me oftentimes i have to take a few steps back to see therefore i lay myself up in the bed and cry furthermore as time goes by i become bored and sigh i force myself to do something, but it ends up being a different version of the same thing that ultimately lead me here all sad and sulking in the first place i make a promise list in my head and i once again end up lying to myself in a more uniquely different way and as a direct result i just end up with the same feelings in the same space the next time i pick myself up i will wipe away the tears and get rid of the funk i will put all my motions and movements in full gear and i will dissipate all the useless junk physicality will be the active ingredient within the words and i will hit the pavement and really be on my grind what am i saying....i am getting tired already from simply thinking about all of the hard work and asphalt knocking that it just totally bogs my mind listening to that devious devil in my head again whispering to myself for motivation so that i can win wanting my mommy badly to give my wholeness a hug daunting is the task at hand that my effort mirrors a slug i focus on proving to all others but myself in reality i could care less about my future's wealth it has been a long time since a had a good feeling nowadays i find nothingism and the like the most appealing i bang my head against any kind of wall i am really really hoping the blows will be my downfall then i hear and feel the lightning rod of heaven strike somehow i am encouraged to continue to fight better fight after many a brainstorm breakfast and occasional extended stay someway....somehow....something finally goes my way here i am now a vast improvement of my former self since take in all of the above and do better at my expense