Dimmed Out

Theres blossom on the trees.that means it's nearly two years.although i can look around the world with somewhat wiser eyes, I can still remember how the colour drained from the sky when I was told u had died. You didn't just die sadly, in a way which you had no say.No ,you decided to take your life away.it was alwYs going to end the way it did .all i could do a child was watch your slow demise.You yourself grew up in the aftermath of suicide.you already knew to not let people get close to you.you yourself decided perhaps that it isn't better to have loved N lost than too never loved .that the loss can be so traumatic it is best to do no emotion at all. what I hAve learnt is the ones who are left behind from suicide, they grieve much more than the absence of the person whom they loved dear.they grieve what they thought they understood of love.they reluctantly accept that the biggest loves,the really loved loves,the loves that teach us most, are the loves we lose in life.the loves that hurt the most. It is the harsh irony that can cause suicide in families to reappear.