Confusion, Denial and Acceptance

It’s a very confusing feeling to go about your normal routine, To suddenly lose control and then feel like a broken machine. My head wouldn’t let me accept that my body had crossed a line, Even though my limbs didn’t work my head felt perfectly fine. There’s nothing wrong with me, no reason for me to be in this state, I had no physical injury and I would soon be walking straight. The nurses came round and gave me tablets that I knew of by name, I was only aware of them because my Dad had once taken the same. Aspirin, Rampril and Lansoprazole they gave me each one of the three, They were for old people and definitely should not be given to me. It was explained they’re to protect you until we find out the cause, There’s no need to worry about me, my body is just having a pause. I would not be defeated; I was determined to be up walking around, I didn’t need a hospital bed and everyone I would astound. After six days the doctors let me home, much to my delight, It was wonderful to sleep in my bed and have such a good night. I’d been home a few days when reality started to creep in, That I really did feel unwell and to accept it wasn’t a sin. Fatigue is the hardest part to understand and cope with of all, It envelopes like a blanket, other times it feels like hitting a wall. Even dealing with noise makes fatigue pulsate through every vein, Simple every day noises sound like thunder, lightening and rain. One day I started to question why this had now happened to me, I’d done too much, always on the go, that was the harsh reality. After putting my body through so much and dealing with its vengeance, I’ve had to look deep within and now finally found some acceptance.