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Commercial Slam - Part II

Tim Ryerson Avatar Tim Ryerson - Premium MemberPremium Member Send Soup Mail Go to Poets Blog Block poet from commenting on your poetry

Below is the poem entitled Commercial Slam - Part II which was written by poet Tim Ryerson. Please feel free to comment on this poem. However, please remember, PoetrySoup is a place of encouragement and growth.

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Commercial Slam - Part II

I JUST CAN’T HELP IT, YA KNOW?

Elderly Lady: Help! I’ve fallen and I can’t get up!
First Alert: Duly noted, will there be anything else?
Elderly Lady: Are you going to call an ambulance?
First Alert: Ambulance?  Heck no! Call one yourself
Elderly Lady: But I’ve fallen and I can’t get up!
First Alert: (Sigh) Can’t you just kind of roll around or something?
Elderly Lady: What the…What did you say?
First Alert: Lord! Deaf as a doornail too
Elderly Lady: Please! Can you at least give me some advice?
First Alert: Now she thinks we’re Dear Abbey….

NOT AS ‘PROGRESSIVE’ AS ONE MIGHT THINK

Customer: How’s it flowin’ Flo?
Flo: Just rollin’ with the flow ya’ know?
Customer: I love the way your words flow, Flo…You put them together so well
Flo: What’s THAT supposed to mean? Are you saying I’m well put together?
Customer: No Flo, I-I meant…Y-you’re a real flower, Flo
Flo: Ain’t NOBODY messin’ with MY flower
Customer: Um…
Flo: And I SURE ain’t no flower child either
Customer: U…
Flo: Stop interrupting me! You wanna’ buy some insurance or what?
Customer: N…
Flo: Security!



THE MAJORITY RULES

Nine out of ten doctors recommend taking Tylenol:
(The tenth doctor lost his license for recommending street-drugs)

Nine out of ten doctors recommend smoking Camel cigarettes:
(The tenth doctor unfortunately couldn’t recommend a doggone thing because he died of lung cancer)

Four out of five dentists recommend chewing sugarless gum for those patients who chew gum:  
(For those patients who do not chew gum the fifth dentist recommended chewing tobacco and got his ass chewed out by the national association of dentists hooked on tobacco laughing gas and pain pills and they took his license away too they said here’s something for you to chew on sucker the fifth dentist said chew on this you mother you know what at least I’m just hooked on tobacco y’all are hooked on laughing gas and pain pills too they said don’t tell on us the fifth dentist said I won’t tell only if you give my license back but I’m still gonna tell your mommies on you and they’ll chew all your sorry asses out for sure they said ok whew that was close the fifth dentist said I’m in a bad mood now give me some of that laughing gas they did and he started giggling then the rest of them took some too and they all started giggling and partying somebody called the cops and they were thrown in jail at the trial the prosecutor drilled them mercilessly they gave up and pled no dentist but got off on a technicality when they bribed the judge and the prosecutor with some laughing gas they started giggling and said aw you guys are okay then the judge accidentally pled guilty and sentenced both himself and the prosecutor who are now both currently serving two count em two consecutive life sentences for god knows what…)

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  1. Date: 5/27/2013 10:04:00 AM
    Haven't read Part 1, but this was awesome! I know it's terrible, but I've always made fun of those Life Alert ads as well (just didn't put it into words like you did). You ever consider being a Family Guy writer? You have the cynical humor already ;)

  1. Date: 5/20/2013 5:23:00 PM
    Tim, take two puffs of your medicinal hemp and call me in the AM--:D :D Too funny

  1. Date: 5/19/2013 3:05:00 PM
    lol. You're an entertaining writer, Tim. Well done, my friend. I simply love your ending. Chew-chew to you. :-)

  1. Date: 5/19/2013 2:41:00 PM
    Love your amusing write. On my way to part 1. Well done. AO

  1. Date: 5/19/2013 4:22:00 AM
    a contemporary, amusing piece about medical advice that literally went after a "client's" psyche with wire cutters... dleightful all the way, tim..:) huggs!

  1. Date: 5/18/2013 7:41:00 PM
    I am going to see the humor in commercials now... Hysterical ! Excellent writing and so sad but true... May I die before I ever need life alert !

  1. Date: 5/18/2013 3:00:00 PM
    Laughter the best medicine..My arthritis hurts less, my heart rhythm has stablized and my sinus has cleared...Enjoyed reading this afternoon..Thanks for your visit..Your comments were uplifting..It was good to hear from you..Sara

  1. Date: 5/18/2013 10:43:00 AM
    Hola, Tim... for now I'm gonna say "DITTO".. LOL.... LOVE LOVE LINDA