Breathing Addiction

When I awoke, I took a breath And then another. I couldn’t help myself; I think I’m addicted. I think I’m addicted, To air. Just yesterday I took 22,500 breaths. I didn’t waste any though; I took them one at a time. But it wasn’t always like this, I think the habit started when I was very young. Back then, we liked to hold our breath a lot, Sometimes to get what we wanted; Sometimes for the fun of it. And when we ran around playing tag, We had to catch our breath, a lot. I think our breath liked to wait Until we were done playing, before coming back. But our problem got worse when our parents yelled, “Go outside and get some fresh air!” So we went out, and like the punks we were, We went around the backside of the barn, Which, I admit, had some really 'fresh' air. Back there, we inhaled the stuff. Yes, I said it. We inhaled. We inhaled as much air as we could get. Then we’d go inside, feeling good and all, And as soon as we said something, They’d yell at us again, “You’re so full of hot air!” Well I didn’t think that was true, But then I realized, When you’re addicted to air, It turns hot. Real Hot. When I was in high school The addiction got worse. It got so bad, that the kids called us Air heads. It was true. We got high on the stuff Day and night. I’m not proud of my addiction, But I’m still alive to talk about it. I tried joining AA; You know, Air Anonymous, But was kicked out When they caught me and a friend Outside snorting the stuff. I tried to tell them that we both Had a bad cold, But it didn’t matter. Anyways, today I’m going to try To turn over a new leaf. I’m not promising any miracles, But I’m going to breath deep, Hold it for a couple seconds, And then exhale. Who knows, I may be able to cut This habit down to 18,500 breaths a day In no time.