Apologies First

apologies first For feeling, for thinking, for overspending my overextending "hospitality" which probably is an apology for you *having to be here *In my kitchen in my bed your choice feels like Im forcing you to sit close to look at me blankly. But it's in that mode When I try I guess any type of stress, any missed feeling I find my self kneeling at your whim (that I imagine for you). But it's a blank stare because you can tell the moment that I'm not there. I look for your potential dissatisfaction so that I can be perfectly adaptable Easy to be with Etc. I don't want to tell you how I really feel. If something bothers me I let it sink in Rather than float to the top For you to See addendum: constantly enraged against the machine that I believe tells me to be agreeable, careful, prim, pragmatic, wary, I do most of the work.