An Ode To the Anti-Apocalyptophobiacs of the World

after all the idiots who followed Camping found themselves up ****’s crick after May of 2011 & after all the morons hoping & “praying” that they would get a “get out of life free” card with the ending of the Mayan calendar just a little more than a week ago, discussion has already begun to loom, spewing forth like the foulest vomit (outdoing even lil’ Linda Blair’s projectile in “The Exorcist”) from the mouths of these apocalyptophobiacs, who cannot go to sleep at night, unless they are counting repeating images of Nostradamus, hopping over the farmyard fence with the rest of the sheep. yes fans, the batshit****ingnuts of the world have begun to spin their minds like a top, panicking about “solar flares in 2013,” “robots taking over the world in 2030,” “Prof. Cunningham’s time capsule predicting biological weapons eliminating us all in 2016” & of course, our favorite fictional character with his flowing blond hair, blue eyes & ability to walk on water, he’s supposed to be returning sometime to “fight satan,” um, just as he has been supposed to for, um, quite some time… but those avid readers of Jeane Dixon will be waiting for 2020, when “satan” & “jesus” fight for the big heavyweight title…um, but supposedly he has a window of 17 years to arrive in the ring, so, this writer certainly hopes that “satan” brings a book or an ipod or some jax or something, cause’ ****, he’s got a while. and then there’s the jewish end-seekers who abide by the talmud’s 6000 year lifespan of the world… and then there’s the numerology numbskulls who are counting up how many times “allah” shows up in the qur’an & on & on & on & on, until these people are scratching out their eyes because they can’t stop twitching in fear of something happening at some time, some place in the future, when they are ALL DEAD--- DEAD DEAD DEAD--- just like the rest of us, so, this is an ode, a salute to those who are sick to ****ing death of these people who will not embrace the fact that their lives will not end in any grandiose, metaphysically charged, special, or unique kind of way--- hoorah.