Ain'T America Great

Miz Liberty welcomed Luigi to America's shores to begin a brand new life. He arrived at Ellis Isle with piles of baggage, three kids and his addled wife. He knew not a word of English but there's one thing he understood; He must soon learn the baffling lingo so as not to be misunderstood! Luigi enrolled in an English class and was bewildered from the start, Trying to absorb the meaning of various words the teacher did impart! There were so many words that sounded alike that he could not construe, And how to fit them in a sentence or a conversation, he had not a clue! "For example" he asked, "How and when do I use-a you, yew and ewe? Please-a told me once-a more when it's-a proper to use-a do, dew and due! When I visit da zoo, is da beast in da cage called a new, knew or gnu? Can you tell-a me if da tree colors in fall are called hue, hew or Hugh?" "How can I know if I use-a these-a words correctly, too, to and two, Or if I get-a sick which of these-a words do I use-a, flew, flu or flue? I'm-a having all kinds of troubles with these-a words, heir, hair and hare! In da market I can't figure if I should ask da man for a pare, pair or pear!" He strove to comprehend the perplexing language and all its doublespeak. His kids could speak like natives but for him things were looking bleak! But over time he learned to parse and spell and the jargon he did subdue! Last I heard of Luigi he was a tenured English professor at Columbia Yew! Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired © All Rights Reserved