Ahem Moment

Ever have that “ahem?” moment. nothing seems to go right; though friends and family see your life tight, they don’t know your struggles, your sleepless night, the homicidal and suicidal demons you fight. From the outside all looks clear, you truly hold family and friends dear; your securities and stability engulfed in fear; it’s just sometimes to much to bear. You look to the heavens for guidance but in your mind so far the distance; you continue to fight your demons with resistance; in the end you pray the struggles will make a difference. “I’m only human why must it be so hard” you say, a daily question to your God you pray; silently screaming as on your face you lay those sleepless nights awaiting the dawn of day. Inside so emotional but outside chilly most, the you everyone sees truly a ghost; looking beyond self and this world to the Ivory Coast; to maintain the facade of your sanity at most. The world has changed not for the better, this has all been preordained down to the letter; the coldness can’t be bored with but a sweater; Questioning “why can’t they see” your tears stream wetter. I’ve been an old soul all my life, I overstand your struggles, your strife; the heart screams the cuts run deeper than any knife, there has got to be more than this to live this life.