Agony Felt

At 2:00 in the morning my mind wanders and i start to break. my feet pace back and fourth from place to place trying to calm down but i just wanna scream, curse and break things but i know if i let go i will be judged and yelled at just making me feel worse which will cause me to drop tears. not tears of joy, but tears of anger and agony that popped up but could have been prevented form coming had the judges left me alone and let me release my anger and rage now i sit and write and listen to the music that i took out of my life due to the sinful graphic words but yet it seems to ease ma little the words i put on this page are not pre meditated but words of me not being medicated so i have less control of the feelings i posses inside but not even medication can help me get rid of the stress inside and out of my life out of my life is where i want every thing to be because to me every thing seems to not be how it needs to be to make me happy so what now? i get mad and write about it but still theres no closer tomorrow will still be here and tomorrow i will still have the same