A Warning and a Promise

Every day is a Battle... What is it? HATE... Hatred of being ALIVE... I awake, DEAD... I am LOST... I hate this body, I hate EVERYTHING... Nothing matters, I'm a failure... Each and every day I fade further away... You think I'm happy, because I smile? I'll laugh and joke with you all, but there is no JOY... When I'm alone, it's all different... I try to fight it... It grows, it's the hunger... My appetite is DEATH... Something inside me tells me to.. I want to, I want to DIE... I joke about it, But I'm serious... Because when the feeling comes, it is abominable... I can not predict the END... But I know it's near, it has gotten worse... Today I feel it, tomorrow I may do it... It may be tonight.... I just can't tell you, but I wish them feelings Subside... I wish the pain to go away, But wishes are wishes and wishes don't come true for me... Because I wish the world a better place, I wish for peace, I wish for happiness and I wish there was never no pain... I hate what I see, I hate what I feel... It's a nightmare and it has swallowed me... Maybe, Maybe Today, and the past will be forgotten... For I've been forgotten, I am Lost... DEAD, and in Pain... Tomorrow I say GOODBYE... Maybe not... written in CCJ on 07-30-2000