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A Venomous Twilight

FABIYAS M V Avatar  Send Soup Mail  Block poet from commenting on your poetry

Below is the poem entitled A Venomous Twilight which was written by poet FABIYAS M V. Please feel free to comment on this poem. However, please remember, PoetrySoup is a place of encouragement and growth.

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A Venomous Twilight

A son skims through the weeds
To pick a fallen coconut that pants on the canal ripples.
But the creeping death in secrecy of the weeds
Engraves the last flashing hours on his calf.

He dares not to tell it to his father,
Who lies like an earthworm with his sense
Being fallen in to the rum bottle, but the anxious
Son waited return of his coolie mother.

The sun is sinking down in his eyes,
And the simple joys are freezing in the venom.
"Please tell them, mother, save me somehow”,
A wish before death dribbles out of his mouth.

A black ambulance returns, staggering
Through the gravelled lane of the tattered heart.
A glass vase is fair, but as it breaks, 
Shattered pieces are poignant and pricking.

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  1. Date: 11/16/2011 11:22:00 PM
    LIke PD said, this is rife with dark emotions, Fabiyas and things that truly suck! Venomous is a very good description for things that suck!

  1. Date: 10/11/2011 9:42:00 PM
    A poignant piece of poetry Fabiyas. You delivered it so well. Congrats. on your special win. Hugs, Vie

  1. Date: 10/11/2011 10:50:00 AM
    Congratulations on your poetry placing in Nancy's contest Fabiyas. Love, Carol

  1. Date: 10/10/2011 10:31:00 PM
    Congrats Fabiyas on a grand win with this dynamic entry my friend.. great idea for the theme.. enjoy with luv..

  1. Date: 10/10/2011 9:26:00 PM
    HAH! i DID get it. is a beauty and thanks so much. Namaste~N

  1. Date: 10/9/2011 4:18:00 PM
    Wonderfullly writ, Fabias, and I think I pretty much get this one! Write on, happy day~N

  1. Date: 10/8/2011 9:08:00 PM
    totally at a loss here if the title was not twilight I'd have no clue? and the syntax though facinating [and perhaps as facinating as a snake's stare??] is also confusing although if we are to place ourselves in the position of a snake bit child perhaps it was your intent? Light & Love [oh mystery man]

  1. Date: 10/8/2011 7:37:00 PM
    Fabiyas, very good to see you in the winner's circle with this heart felt write. Agape, Moses

  1. Date: 10/8/2011 2:51:00 PM
    Congrats Fabiyas on a dynamic win with this grandiose poetry my friend..superbly crafted for this competition..enjoy with luv..

  1. Date: 10/1/2011 8:52:00 AM
    FAB,.. deep,, it stirs up lots of dark emotions,,, xox~ luv ~p.d.