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Poem	There are certain things -a spider, a ghost, The income-tax, gout, an umbrella for three - That I hate, but the thing that I hate the most Is a thing they call the SEA. Pour some salt water over the floor - Ugly I'm sure you'll allow it to be: Suppose it extended a mile or more, That's very like the SEA. Beat a dog till it howls outright - Cruel, but all very well for a spree; Suppose that one did so day and night, That would be like the SEA. I had a vision of nursery-maids; Tens of thousands passed by me - All leading children with wooden spades, And this was by the SEA. Who invented those spades of wood? Who was it cut them out of the tree? None, I think, but an idiot could - Or one that loved the SEA. It is pleasant and dreamy, no doubt, to float With `thoughts as boundless, and souls as free'; But suppose you are very unwell in a boat, How do you like the SEA. There is an insect that people avoid (Whence is derived the verb `to flee') Where have you been by it most annoyed? In lodgings by the SEA. If you like coffee with sand for dregs, A decided hint of salt in your tea, And a fishy taste in the very eggs - By all means choose the SEA. And if, with these dainties to drink and eat, You prefer not a vestige of grass or tree, And a chronic state of wet in your feet, Then -I recommend the SEA. For I have friends who dwell by the coast, Pleasant friends they are to me! It is when I'm with them I wonder most That anyone likes the SEA. They take me a walk: though tired and stiff, To climb the heights I madly agree: And, after a tumble or so from the cliff, They kindly suggest the SEA. I try the rocks, and I think it cool That they laugh with such an excess of glee, As I heavily slip into every pool, That skirts the cold, cold SEA.
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