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Self-Portrait 1969

 He's still young--; thirty, but looks younger--
or does he?.
In the eyes and cheeks, tonight, turning in the mirror, he saw his mother,-- puffy; angry; bewildered.
Many nights, now, when he stares there, he gets angry:-- something unfulfilled there, something dead to what he once thought he surely could be-- Now, just the glamour of habits.
Once, instead, he thought insight would remake him, he'd reach --what? The thrill, the exhilaration unravelling disaster, that seemed to teach necessary knowledge.
became just jargon.
Sick of being decent, he craves another crash.
What reaches him except disaster?

by Frank Bidart
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